I’ve spent the last year and a half on a journey of what I hoped would be self improvement. I gave up the booze, I’ve tried to be a good husband, I’ve learnt to control many of my fears and I’ve prepared myself for being a father. This blog was all part of the process.
Having the discipline to write, just write without too much judgement, without trying to prove anything, to just put it out there and keep putting it out there.
Now my baby is dead. My life and the life of my beautiful precious wife is in anguish. I can see only darkness. Our love for one another is all there is to live for at the moment and I do not understand anything else.
I don’t know if writing this is the right thing to do. I just wanted a place to express myself and I never imagined I would be expressing pain.
My baby girl was, is, ready, she is fully formed, she is still inside my wife and now we, she, must give birth to her. There are no words for our grief. I pray no one has to experience this desolation, but of course I know they will.
I want to say I’m sorry, how very British. I’m sorry for my baby and my wife. I’m sorry for my family and friends and I’m sorry for anyone who reads this. Why am I sorry? Because no one should have to let this into their lives. I don’t know if I will ever feel better or if I can ever write here again. Please pary for us and for anyone who has lost a child.
Filed Under: Thoughts